As Zoe becomes more and more comfortable with us and her language increases she has opened up more everyday about her past. It seems that the last couple of weeks have been one revelation after another. There are some things I feel are her personal memories that I won't share publicly. However, what she shared tonight I feel free to share. Part of what she remembers is the mudslides that hit Guatemala and her home in Esquintla. As many of you know the catastrophe in October 2005 is what caused Zoe's Guatemala mommy to finally make the heartbreaking decision to find Zoe another family. Here is some of what she shared.
Zoe said that the house you see BELOW is similar to her house in Guatemala except her house was older.
Zoe remembers water up to her chest in her home. The water was full of thick mud. She and her mommy had to run. As they were running the current swept her under and started to take her away. Her mother caught her and pulled her up again. She saw trees uprooted and lying around everywhere. 
This is what she told me almost word for word. She speaks in broken English when she knows the words and lapses into Spanish when she doesn't. She said, "The old people died. They were little and slow. They go under the water. They could not breathe and bubbles came up. They died. It scary. We ran. I go under water. My mommy help. She take my hands. I scary."
Zoe told us that she got hurt from trees in the water. We know from the foster mother and the scars that she had infected wounds on her legs. She also had no food because everything was washed away. As she shared all of this she would stop to cry frequently. 
This little miracle of a child has truly seen and been through more than many of us can comprehend. As I learn more and more about her I am amazed at her strength. I am honored by her trust.
As I learn more about her Guatemala mommy, I love her more and more. I know in my soul that this woman loved Zoe Mirna. She did all she could and lived in a place where she could not succeed. She could not help Zoe so she helped her in the only way she could. She gave her up after trying for so many years.
When I think back I realize that the first time we visited her was only 6-8 weeks after she had been through this horrific trauma. We knew she was affected by the flood but we didn't GET it. We didn't now how much she had seen and endured. We had no idea how much she understood.
It breaks my heart. My heart is to help change things. I want to help mothers like Zoe's birth mother to have choices and help and options. After all I have learned I know that Zoe's mommy had no other way out. She had no choices. It is so wrong. I hope and pray that I can somehow help to change that for other women in the future. Russ and I have a heart to not only adopt but provide a system that helps prevent adoption from becoming a neccesity. Please Lord, give us an open door to do that. Someday I truly want to help make it different-to make the world a less painful place. There is so much I don't even get. I get this though... if we all try to make a small difference, it will make a big difference. So big it might change the world.I am only one
but I am one
I cannot do everything
but I can do something
and what I can do
and should do
by the grace of God
I will do
To see a slide show of the mudslides click here http://www.home.earthlink.net/~guatcomboston/id15.html
Love, Angel