WHAT ABOUT AFRICA???
As you read in my previous post the selfish yuppie part of me wanted to stop at 3 kids, buy a vacation home and start getting more pedicures.... Oh and a few massages. ;-)
Ok. Let's be honest. I always knew that part would never win. It couldn't win. But still that part was there..
Now here we are- I have started this adoption to Africa and God has given me this little wonder of a boy dropped into my life and WHAT ABOUT AFRICA???
At first I started to rationalize a bit. I mean here's how it happened... God told us to start the home study process on July 4th. I flew through my paperwork like a bat on fire. You people witnessed the insanity. Suddenly once the US stuff was done it was like I COULD NOT make myself do anything else!! I would literally pick up the phone to call the agency to check on something and would feel like God was telling me, "HANG UP THE PHONE AND WAIT!"Since I was suddenly slow as Christmas I didn't push and therefore none of my Africa paperwork was done. Which was a really good thing. If we had the Africa side done we would have been matched with an identified child and they would have started trying to get that child paperwork ready. Then things would have gotten complicated in trying to bring home Kai. God's timing is amazing.
As it turned out we received our completed home study the DAY Kai's adoption agency agreed that we should be the ones to adopt him. THAT DAY!!! Not only that... We were approved for the EXACT age, gender, EVERYTHING.
It's ridiculous. Sooooo...I started to rationalize. Maybe it wasn't about Africa at all. Maybe this was it instead.
Or maybe it was both and that scared the tar outta me. I started doing the math on how many small children I would have and whether we could travel easily and how much Disney tickets would cost. I KNOW! I KNOW! I'm pathetic but that's just the facts people. I didn't promise you pretty. I promised reality. These children require sacrifice and sometimes I'm selfish and ugly. There it is. So all my calculations and I figured out there is a reason why people have 2.5 children. It's easier and less expensive. Hee hee... :-)
But ya know what I remembered then? I remembered how when we decided to get prego it happened WAY quicker than we expected really. I mean we wanted it to happen badly but it happened like RIGHT AWAY and I thought AM I READY FOR THIS??? We were about to move off to Michigan for Russ to go to MBA school. I was staying home with Kaitlyn so that meant... Well, it meant we were crazy. We heard about it too- how crazy it was. Still, something in my gut said this was RIGHT and I would never change it. Never, never, never would I give up my KK. Oh the joy she brings me. I'm so thankful.
Then came Zoe. We had JUST gotten out of MBA school when we started her adoption. We didn't have the money. We didn't have any experience. We were adopting out of birth order. We were adopting an older child. I had this moment where I thought WHAT AM I DOING??? Cause this was crazy and breaking all the rules. It didn't make any logical sense. We could HAVE as many beautiful blonde bio babies as we wanted so what was I DOING??? Still I KNEW she was ours... I KNEW God had given me this Krysta Zoe. So we fell in love knowing we were crazy. Oh she's so amazing. Thank you Lord for my Zoe girl. She is more than I deserve.
Soon we came to Kaiya. One minute we were thinking MAYBE domestic -meet with a crisis pregnancy center and ooch forward. Next thing I know we are running around getting paperwork for a special needs toddler. What was I thinking??? This was REALLY crazy. She'd been in an orphanage for 2 years with 36 kids and like 3 care takers. She had a cleft lip and palate. We had JUST gotten our savings back up from the 1st adoption. Was I NUTS??? Clearly yes. The minute I saw her sweet face I knew she was mine. So off we flew to China a mere seven months later and OH THANK YOU LORD!! Kaiya Rain Zhen drives me batty sometimes and makes me smile every single day!!!! Oh how I adore her. She's my spicy China baby and I wouldn't trade her for anything.
Finally we come to Kai Justice. Well, I mean REALLY!!! This is a disruption situation. This little one has a stack of papers that diagnose him with a lot of scary words. If you google the scary words in the scary paperwork then you can't sleep at night. So am I THAT crazy?? My heart told me this is my son not a diagnosis. So yes... I am. Now here is this little man who is like the puzzle piece we never knew was missing. He FITS here!!! I am completely in love with my little Korean wonder.
So that brings us to Africa.... We have four kids... We're happy and comfortable and have great kids. Why would we want to DO THIS??? Because... My son is there... And I think I've finally accepted that I love this kinda crazy. This is the kinda crazy that makes a person step out of a boat and walk on water JUST cause Jesus said to do it. I'm so grateful that God held my hand so I wouldn't sink under the waves from the doubts about whether all this insanity could REALLY be HIM!I'm good now. I don't expect it to be easy or pretty. It never is. In between all the field trips and photo sessions are melt downs, explosive diapers, temper tantrums, dirty clothes, sleepless nights and growth I never knew I could experience. These miracles God has sent me have changed EVERYTHING. I am changed and thankful. I am so joyful. I am so grateful. I am so ready. No doubt...no sinking this time.
It turns out that Kaitlyn Elise wasn't too early or too expensive! Turns out she is my amazing little diva who brings me unspeakable joy.
It turns out Krysta Zoe isn't a scary older child adoption. She is the most compassionate and loving person I know.
It turns out Kaiya Rain Zhen isn't a special needs toddler permanently scarred by institutional life. It turns out she's the brave and hilarious and capable of just about anything. 
It turns out Kai Justice Easton isn't a stack of scary diagnosis. It turns out he's a dream come true.
So I say....
Africa???
Yeah... bring it on.