I know it took me forever to get to this. SORRY! The book itself was very emotional for me. Throw on top of that preparing for my new addition and a trip to China, a mission trip to Africa, a HUGE surprise I can hardly wait to tell you about, some major changes that are occurring (more on that later) and some exciting new ministries we are getting involved with and it's mentally just taken me some time. BUT... here we are. Dangerous Surrender!!! I am so excited. If you haven't read this book and you read this blog because your heart is pulled toward the "least of these" then for goodness sake go read it. ;0) Really though, it's not too late to join in. We would love to have you read along. It's an amazing ride. I have read it front to back and can't wait to sift through it again with you. Even if you DON'T read PLEASE feel free to comment and join in the discussion. I know you people have stuff to say!!!
I didn't see it coming. Those are the first words in the book. Boy, is that right...
Kay Warren kicks some major emotional tushy in this book doesn't she??? By mid to late in the book I kept having to put the book down at times to breathe deeply and at a couple of points cry. The timing for me in reading this book was amazing. I really felt like I was at a point where God was asking me to "surrender" in a whole new way. We were stepping into a new adventure and I had no idea what it looked like. I just knew it was coming.
Here is what Kay says about what I believe was her "red pill" moment...
After a month of anguished wrestling with God, I reached a point at which I had to make a conscious decision. Would I retreat to my comfortable life and to my settled plans, pretending I didn't know about the HIV/AIDS pandemic and the millions of orphans? Or would I surrender to God's call and let my heart engage with a cause I was pretty sure would include buckets of pain and sorrow? I didn't know what would happen if I said yes to this increasingly strong urge to engage- what did "engaging" even mean? I felt like I was standing on the edge of a giant precipice; I couldn't go back, and yet the way forward looked like stepping into a void.
The moment of decision came. With eyes closed and teeth clenched tightly, I finally said yes. The second I did my heart broke, and I was SHATTERED.....
WOW! Can you relate to this moment??? Boy can I... My red pill moment came during Zoe's adoption. Before Zoe I still had a heart to do something but I was still very attached to my comfort. :0) Part of the anguish I felt during the year we waited was because I was in turmoil about what I saw- what I was learning about pain and extreme poverty. I had caught a glimpse of the truth and a HUGE part of me wanted to just crawl under my covers and hide. It took me months, MONTHS to fully surrender. Still it seems to be a step by step process as I find new places in my heart I have not given to God.
The conversation with God usually goes something like this... "OOPS!! I didn't know that was there... (sheepish grin) Could I just keep that part? No? BUT I AM NOT READY FOR THAT! You have got the wrong girl. I am not this strong. I can't give up this much. Ohhhhh Kaaaaeeee...fine. Here, you can have it. (pout) Love you."
No way I can be too hard on my kids. I throw spiritual temper tantrums on a regular basis.
So anyway... during Zoe's adoption process I became- what Kay calls "seriously disturbed."
Sounds fun right? AAWWWW YEAH! Sign me up! I wanna be disturbed Angel! I wanna be disturbed!!!
Disturbed is not something we really go for in our society is it? I love how Kay talks about this. We are raised to NOT talk about things that make people feel "uncomfortable." Don't talk about religion or politics or HEAVEN FORBID money. We don't tackle uncomfortable topics. It seems the church especially shies away from topics that truly matter. Child prostitution, child labor, rape, poverty, injustice, ethnic hatred, greed, materialism, environmental destruction, HIV/AIDS...
Disturbed is not something we really go for in our society is it? I love how Kay talks about this. We are raised to NOT talk about things that make people feel "uncomfortable." Don't talk about religion or politics or HEAVEN FORBID money. We don't tackle uncomfortable topics. It seems the church especially shies away from topics that truly matter. Child prostitution, child labor, rape, poverty, injustice, ethnic hatred, greed, materialism, environmental destruction, HIV/AIDS...
DISTURBING TOPICS! As Kay says...
But if we're not disturbed by the world in which we live, we will be consumed with the trivial, the insignificant, and the temporary. We will spend our days pursuing all the wrong goals, living by the wrong measurement of success, evaluating our legacy by the wrong standard.
We become seriously disturbed... then what? Then we don't know what to do. Everything starts to feel weird and prickly. Really big grocery stores make you edgy and $50,000.00 cars make you want to bang your head against the wall. You realize you live in a bubble called suburbia and you have no idea what to do about it. All you know is comfort.... all you've EVER known is comfort REALLY. So now what? So what do we do about it? Just look around and feel guilty? I tried it for a month and it wasn't that great soooo Kay and I suggest "surrender."
Now I don't make this suggestion lightly as I am not very good as it myself. With practice I hope to become more proficient at the art.
SURRENDER! It's a dirty word in our culture. We feel that surrender means FAILURE. We are a "never say die" kind of people. We are independent. We don't NEED anyone right?
SURRENDER! It's a dirty word in our culture. We feel that surrender means FAILURE. We are a "never say die" kind of people. We are independent. We don't NEED anyone right?
Surrender to God? Ummmm no thank you. I'll be fine...
That was my attitude at first. I would NOT be going down without a fight. Sure I would do what God was telling me to do but I was going to kick and scream the whole way. Again... I don't recommend this approach. It wasn't that great. ;0)
Surrender- in God's eyes- is a wonderful place to be. It means we have come to the end of our battle and the end of ourselves. I won't lie to you. It is a wonderful place to be- but as Kay puts it- certainly not safe.
...please know that surrendering your life to God is the boldest and riskiest step you can take. Being dangerously surrendered to God allows you to know Him in increasingly deeper ways and to participate fully in His will.
...We want the rewards if living lives of faith without actually having to demonstrate faith.
WHOA!!!! OK pause for deep breathing exercises... See what I mean? Boy howdy. OK here we go...
Kay then does a section on being ordinary. BOY could I identify with that. I won't go into detail into Kay's life but don't miss that part.
Let's just say I have always felt ordinary in most ways. Not in a negative way. Just in a real way. Average grades, average height, average life (in America), you know... ordinary. Now I know some people might see my life as exciting or exotic but it wasn't to me. I had a chance to live overseas as an army brat which was a great thing. I went on some mission trips and had a wonderful childhood. In my world though- I was just like most of the kids I knew.
Then I married a genius. I know you might think I am exaggerating- maybe I am- but I don't think so. He's gonna kill me when He reads this. Too bad Russ. It's my blog. Get your own book club. ;0) I adore you Russ but it's time the public knew you are a braniac, egg head nerd. If you didn't get that from this post he wrote it's your own bad anyway. Hee hee... He is though. He's a genius. His brain works in ways I can't even get sometimes. He went to a MAJOR MBA program and here I was just being little ordinary Angel. I spent years following him around the country just having fun being his wife. It's a pretty great gig. Still though... I began to see that God had something big for ME to do too and it scared the crud out of me. I was pretty comfortable with the supporting role. Stand by your genius egg head and all that. I was not too sure how I felt about more than that.
Now here I am... what is GOING ON here??? Now my wonderful genius is helping me achieve this vision God has given me. He is THE BOMB! Still though- it's unnerving to me how cool and calm he is about the whole thing. ARGH! Here I am a nervous wreck... and he's all... COLLECTED. Makes me crazy. I am SERIOUSLY glad he is on my team.
I guess my point is- I never thought I would really make a difference. I figured that would be Russ. He's the smart one- the driven one- the one who never quits and rarely fails and barely has to sleep. Think of Beautiful Mind meets The Terminator and you've got a picture. ;0) Again, Russ is going to want me to edit this. DON'T YOU DARE EDIT MY BLOG BABE! I mean it... love you.
I am the ordinary one. I have to sleep a lot or I am a wreck. I hate dressing up- I don't like school stuff really. I always have a few extra pounds on me. My house is always a little messy. There are almost always piles of laundry. I don't feel especially talented. I just want to be a mommy. Well... and now save the world. BUT THAT'S MY POINT!
The reason I am telling you this is because it turns out you don't have to be a genius for God to use you. Maybe he'll marry you to one cause it's handy ;0) but it's NOT in the criteria. We are so afraid to shine. So afraid of what we might have to do if we embraced who God made us. We compare ourselves and think- not me... I'm not the one... I'll just cheer someone else on.
So I am learning to see the value in who God made me. Learning that it's not a weakness to be weak. Surrender is the only tool God needs to make my life significant. I guess that is why I love this quote so much. It's on the side of my blog...
Our Deepest Fear- by Marianne Williamson
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Don't compare yourself to someone else and shrink. Don't you dare. Don't play small when God has made you to be significant. I challenge you to surrender. What does that mean really??? The most significant thing I think I got out of this book is understanding what surrender to God really means...
SURRENDER- SAYING "YES" TO GOD WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW THE QUESTION.
Now... I want your thoughts! Write your own blog post if you want. If you do I will link it to the bottom of this post so everyone can read it. Comment and give us your two cents even if you haven't read the book yet. I want to hear what is on your mind. Here are some questions I would love to hear your thoughts on...
1. Have you had you "red pill" moment yet? If so when?
2. Kay describes the frustration of thinking that the AIDS pandemic was such a gigantic problem that she, as an ordinary person, wasn’t equipped to make a difference. Consider two or three world problems that deeply trouble you. Do you believe you can have any significant impact on these problems? Why or why not?
3. When was the last time you initiated conversation on a “disturbing” topic? Why do people avoid such conversations? Discuss how such conversations can be destructive or constructive.
Hope you enjoyed the first post. OH WAIT maybe I hope you were SERIOUSLY DISTURBED by it! :0)
Hugs, Angel